


You're not Mental, You're just Weird

by Pastel_Deku



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Mental Institution, Anorexia, Anxiety, Ciel and Lizzy aren't cousins, Eating Disorders, Female Pronouns for Grell Sutcliff, How Do I Tag, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Multiple Personalities, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Trans Female Character, Trans Grell Sutcliff, Why Did I Write This?, everyone is a mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-09-02 09:19:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16784104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pastel_Deku/pseuds/Pastel_Deku
Summary: Ciel Phantomhive looked up at Tanaka, his guardian with disgust. "There's no way I'm going there."The older man sighs and nods a little. "As much as I wish to agree with you, Ciel, I cannot. Your therapist recommended it and I believe that it is a good idea. Your panic attacks have been worsening and I'm starting to worry."Ciel growled, looking down. "I don't need to go to some mental hospital.""It's not a mental hospital, it is a psychiatric ward.""Whatever," The bluenette sighed, looking down, "is this really necessary?"Tanaka nodded, "I would say so."Ciel went quiet, deep in thought. After a few minutes, he sighed, looking back up at his guardian. "Alright then. I will go."





	1. A new Beginning...Sort of...

Looking out the window of the car, Ciel sighed. He wasn't in the mood for conversation, which is what Tanaka kept trying to start. He was somewhat scared (though he would deny it if anyone asked) and almost felt a bit guilty for ignoring his guardian, knowing that he was just trying to help.

When they eventually pulled up to a somewhat large building, Ciel swallowed hard, scowling as if the building was his most hated enemy - which in a way it was. He was so deep in thought that he didn't notice Tanaka get out of the car and open his door. "Ciel." His voice was gentle, but still snapped the Bluenette out of his thoughts.

He looked up, scowling at the older man. Without a word, he got out of the car, looking around.

"Come along Ciel." Tanaka was carrying his luggage - a simple duffle bag - while walking towards the entrance. Ciel reluctantly followed, grumbling as he did so.

Once they were inside, Tanaka walked up to the front desk where a fairly young woman sat, typing away on a computer.

She looked up at Tanaka wordlessly and glanced to Ciel. "Can I help you?"

"We're here to admit Ciel Phantomhive. Dr. Gregory said that he already had his information sent." The Silver haired man said, looking back towards Ciel.

The lady went back to her computer, keys clicking rather loudly. Ciel guessed she was looking for his paperwork before she soon responded.

"Yes," She said softly with a small nod as she stood up, "follow me."

***

It had been a few hours since Ciel had to say goodbye to Tanka and gone into the ward.

After getting checked and evaluated (which seemed to have taken hours), Ciel had been assigned a room and was in the process of walking to it with the woman.

He had found out that her name was Hannah and that she was one of the nurses. She was rather quiet and short in her responses whenever Ciel asked her anything (not that he minded). He pulled at the uncomfortable scrubs that they had given him, feeling almost degraded after they had taken his stuff to make sure he wasn't hiding anything banned inside his bag.

"This is your room." She said in a somewhat cold voice. Ciel quickly looked up and nodded, looking at the tan colored door.

"Your roommate will show you around. There are always nurses or myself around in case you need something." Hannah paused for a few seconds before speaking again, "A word of advice: be carful with your roommate. He can be quite...interesting at times." with that, she turned and headed back down the hallway.

Ciel continued to stare at the door for a few more seconds until he heard voices coming down the hallway. Not wanting to interact with anyone at the moment, he quickly pushed the somewhat heavy door open and moved inside. Almost as soon as he stepped foot inside, he was welcomed by a pillow thrown at his face.

"Gah!" He yelped in surprise. He looked up to see a tall blonde boy around his age staring at him with an expression mixed with confusion and a bit of a glare.

"Who are you supposed to be?" The boy asked, carefully walking over to him.

It took the bluenette a second to mentally recover before he realized what the boy asked. "C-Ciel Phantomhive. This is apparently the room I'm supposed to be staying in." Ciel stuttered a bit at first, but regained his voice as he scowled in slight annoyance.

The boy's eyes widened a bit in realization as he tapped his chin. "They did mention that I was getting a new roommate," He smiled, "and I guess you are!" He smiled as his shoulders visibly relaxed. "I'm Alois! Alois Trancy!"

Ciel nods a little and sighs. Alois moves back over to his side of the room and sits down on his bed, fiddling a bit with the sleeves of his royal purple sweatshirt as he watches the other.

The shorter boy says nothing as he slowly moves over to his own bed, sitting down and shifting a bit with a grimace at the uncomfortable clothing he had, glancing over to Alois with a frown at his clothing.

"You're so quiet." Alois stated after a few minutes of the silence that was a bit uncomfortable.

"I'm not one to enjoy conversation." Ciel responded flatly. Alois pouted, getting up off his bed and walking over to Ciel. "It's quite boring here, but you'll quickly figure that out" he sighed.

Ciel hums a little and looks up at him. "Hannah told me that you would tell me what the schedule was."

Alois shrugs and paces back and forth a bit. "First off, Hannah is basically a bitch and a pain in the arse. Secondly, I'm probably the worst person to tell you the schedule, so I'll let Lizzy do so."

Ciel scowls, "so I'm just expected to go along with everything that happens without knowing?"

"Don't act like I've wounded you so horribly," Alois replies with a bit of a smug smirk, "It'll be time for dinner in about five minutes, and I'm certain Lizzy won't mind one bit."

The bluenette growls softly under his breath and clenches his fists. "You're infuriating!"

The blonde simply shrugs and goes back over to his own bed while digging through his individual dresser. "It's what I do best."


	2. I don't want to be Here!

The next five minutes seemed like the most excruciating years as Alois and Ciel would bicker back and fourth every once in a while whenever Alois would attempt to start a conversation.

The bluenette silently thanked whatever force was watching over him when it was finally dinner time. As he walked down the long hallway alongside Alois, he clenched and unclenched his fists nervously. Ciel could feel his anxiety slowly growing in the pit of his chest which was never good.

Whenever he was anxious, it meant he was guaranteed to have a panic attack sometime that night. It also meant that he wouldn't be able to eat since his anxiety made his appetite practically cease to exist.

Ciel furrowed his eyebrows a bit when he realized how silent the blonde next to him had become. He glanced over to him for a split second, the sapphire eyed male seeming to be in deep thought. He almost commented on it, but decided against since the silence was actually nice.

Ciel was somewhat curious as to why the blonde was there, but knew that it would be rude to ask unless Alois wanted to tell him - and it was pretty obvious he didn't.

Once inside the lunchroom, Ciel grabbed his tray which consisted of some spaghetti and meatballs along with steamed broccoli. He glances around for the taller blonde after having lost him for a second, but quickly sees him standing on a chair by the back table waving him over. He starts to head over until his pace slowed down a bit when seeing others sitting with Alois.

When he sat down, he immediately noticed the guy...or girl, he couldn't tell, with bright red hair.

"This is Ciel!" Alois said, continuing to stand on his chair. No one really seemed to notice, other then the others at the table, "he's my new roommate!" He smiles widely before he sat back down none too gracefully.

Everyone at the table smiled politely at him, then went around introducing themselves.

"I'm Mey-Rin!" The girl sitting closest to him said. She had big round glasses on and maroon-red hair that was pulled up into high pigtails. "Pleasure to meet you!"

Ciel nodded wordlessly, his anxiety spiking a bit at having to interact with others.

The red-headed individual flipped their hair, grabbing Ciel's attention. They smile, batting their eyelashes. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Grell Sutcliff~"

Alois hums a little and nudges Grell a bit in the forearm.

"And yes, before you ask I am a woman." Grell said in a firm tone which left no room for argument.

Ciel nods once again, but when looking a bit closer at the red-head's bright green eyes he could see a bit of hurt and uncertainty.

Alois gently places his hand on top of Grell's and squeezes a bit before pulling away to look at the small blonde girl sitting next to him.

She was lazily poking at her salad before looking up up. "Oh, Hello! I'm Elizabeth! But you can call me Lizzy." She held out her hand to Ciel. He hums and gently shakes her hand, noticing how thin her fingers were. "Hi..."

The bluenette looked over at the older boy with maroon eyes and silver hair that went slightly past his shoulders.

"Hello! I'm Pluto!" The boy said, leaning over the table slightly, "I've been sent here because everyone thinks I'm crazy when I tell them that I'm really a dog who was turned into a human! They say that I can't act like I'm a dog because I'm a human and I'm supposed to act like a human instead of a dog!" He grinned, then leaned down and bit into a meatball.

"Nice to meet you..." The bluenette mumbles quietly and griminess a bit.

"Pluto, darling," Grell started, "You know what they said about silverware..."

Pluto pouted, and reluctantly picked up the plastic spork, looking at it like it had offended him greatly.

They were all silent for a second before Alois broke it. He stood back up on his chair, making Ciel roll his eyes. "And of course you know me, Alois!" He dramatically bows before flopping back down into his chair.

"So," Ciel said quietly as he ignored the blonde slightly, "what does the rest of the day hold...?"

Lizzy then frowns at the blonde, her salad momentarily forgotten. "Are you refusing to tell what the schedule is again?"

"It's not my job to tell everyone!" He snaps at her, "The damn nurses should do their jobs properly!" With that, Alois somewhat aggressively stabs a meatball before shoving it into his mouth.

Ciel was a bit shocked at his sudden outburst, but Lizzy simply sighs like she had been through it multiple times. "Alright..." She turns back to the shorter boy with a small smile. "Since I'm not sure if I'll be able to show you around after this, I'll just explain now. The nurses come in at around 6:15 in the morning and wake us up. We have until 6:30 to get ready for the day and to make our beds before breakfast at 6:30..." She frowns a little at the mention of breakfast, but soon continues, "after that meds are given out and we have about half an hour before group therapy."

Alois groans at the mention and Lizzy glares a bit at him in response. He quickly goes quiet and allows her to continue.

"We do group therapy and then afterwards some people will have individual therapy. You'll find out today if you do or not. Then we eat lunch and will sometimes go outside afterwards if it's a nice day. Otherwise we have individual time to finish our goals or to relax until dinner. After dinner we go take our nightly meds and back to our rooms and have quiet time...though it's never very quiet and get ready for bed. Lights out is at 9:00..."

The bluenette was quiet as he processed the words. Reality was slowly and finally settling in that he wasn't going to be going home anytime soon. He swallows hard and nods as his brain was slowly turning to mush, the air all of a sudden turned thick, almost like trying to breathe through honey.

Ciel could hear voices around him, but they were all muffled as he soon seemed to lose contact with reality.

"Ciel...!"


	3. Chapter 3

" _Ciel!_ " The voice calling his name earlier was slowly becoming more clear as the bluenette gasped for air, struggling to take in a decent breath.

"Breath, Ciel. Everything is alright, you're okay..."

He took another strangled breath, slowly calming down again. He glanced up wearily, taking in the sight of a brown-haired woman with a kind smile on her face.

"Feeling better?"

He grunted softly in reply, staring at his feet. "A bit..."

She nodded and asked him a few more questions, mainly about his panic attacks. After that she eventually left, leaving Ciel alone with the others once again.

There was a short awkward silence before Lizzy spoke, "That's Paula. She's one of the better nurses here..."

"By better, she means that Paula is basically the only one who doesn't have a stick up their arse." Alois mumbled bluntly, swirling a few of the remaining noodles on his place with his fork.

Ciel nodded numbly, clearly not listening to much of what they were saying.

Grell sighed, giving the teen a concerned look. "Are you sure you're alright, darling?"

"I...I'm fine..." The bluenette muttered quietly, glancing up at her, "happens to me all the time..."

The red-haired girl nodded before going back to her own meal, though it was obvious that she was still worried.

They all went quiet once again, the room simply filled with other people's mixing conversations from different tables.

Alois eventually sighed and looked over to Ciel with a somewhat bored expression. "You're going to have to finish your plate..."

The shorter boy almost immediately shook his head, grimacing a bit. "I can't..."

The blonde rolled his eyes a bit before leaning across the table some. "Look, I know that the food is bloody disgusting here and that you probably feel horrible at the moment, but you have to finish it." He looked over at Lizzy, waiting for her to say something as backup.

The blonde girl was somewhat listening, every once in a while glancing from them to her salad. She bit her lip before looking to Ciel. "As much as I don't want to agree with him, he's right. You are required to finish your meals, and if you don't, you'll either have privileges taken away, or they'll start thinking you have an eating disorder..." she stabbed a bit of salad onto her fork and brought it to her mouth, chewing with a bit of struggle. "And if you do have an eating disorder, you're closely monitored after each meal..."

"You don't already have an ED, do you?" Alois asked, raising an eyebrow a bit.

"Of course not! I just can eat after I've had a panic attack." He crossed his arms, feeling somewhat attacked by the two.

Alois shrugged, taking a sip of his water. "Great. Now finish your food. If Lizzy can do it, so can you."

Ciel shot him a glare before twirling some pasta around his fork and taking a bite.

***

Though it had taken him a while, Ciel finally managed to get his food down with the help of the others at the table (somewhat including Alois).

It seemed sort of like a routine for them to create small talk, but at this point, he didn't really mind.

Ciel was a bit disappointed when they had to go back to their separate rooms - seeming he was still stuck with the blonde - but at least he was a bit calmer.

He sat down on his new bed before looking over to Alois' side, noticing all of the things that he had.

"Alois?"

The blonde hummed in reply while grabbing something from his side of the shelves.

"How come you have so much stuff?"

The blue eyed male shrugged, looking back to him after grabbing a notebook and plopping down on his bed. "I guess I'm just special. It took a lot of complaining and effort to be allowed all of this, but after they cleared it, everything was more or less alright..."

Ciel raised an eyebrow, "'more or less'?"

Alois smiles, looking down at his notebook before changing the topic a bit. "I'm sure that you'll get your stuff back tommorow...that is, unless you were hiding a shit-ton of drugs or something..."

"I don't do drugs." The bluenette huffed, looking to his own uncomfortable scrubs.

"Well then, I guess you have nothing to worry about." The taller boy replied simply, reaching over to grab a purple marker off of his nightstand.

Ciel sighed, still obviously frustrated as he played with one of the strings on his eyepatch.

Alois gave him a questioning look, but otherwise didn't say or ask anything.

A short while later or so, a nurse came into their room with four plastic cups - two with water, and the other two holding their nightly medications.

The bluenette's simply held Melatonin, while on the other hand, Alois had multiple different kinds of pills.

Ciel quickly swallowed his down without complaining, almost eager to fall asleep. The nurse checked his mouth to make sure that he had actually taken it before moving to Alois.

"You know that these meds do absolutely nothing, right? They're just a trick to make you think you're doing fine." Although he was clearly fighting it, the taller of the two boys still took his meds, taking a bit longer than Ciel did to swallow them down.

The nurse checked his mouth as well before collecting the cups and leaving the room.

Ciel sighed before laying down and looking over to him, "why are you so against everything?"

The blonde's earlier bored expression turned into one of anger in a matter of seconds as he set his notebook down, his body seeming to tense at the question. "Let's just say that none of this works in the long run..." his voice was eerily calm, though his blue eyes were cold looking.

The shorter boy tensed as well, fingers tightening around the sheets as he looked away from Alois.

"You'll soon understand..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hi~! I know this chapter is pretty much completely boring and somewhat pointless, but the next one will be much better! I promise! ^w^


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